---
Don't blame me, blame my English teacher... who is Satan. Or a
badfic writer.
Felix: o.O'
Umm, yeah, it's a sorta poem, and I'm trying to use a Golden Sun couple
here... Since I'm writing Golden Sun fanfiction.
Felix: Your English teacher's making you study poems? So you can
torture us?
Yeah, especially romance poems. Some of them are dumb- heard about the
Duke... He married all his sisters, beheaded them and tried to take
over the world! No? Oh.
Felix: I don't want to! Me neither. Oh wait... *clamps
hands over ears* CAMELOT OWNS GOLDEN SUN! Hooray, Camelot!
You wanted to know before... -_- And, um, this doesn't really have spoilers,
it's just a different
version of the game, honest! So that's why 'dead' people are 'alive'...
This was written before The Lost Age came out...
Felix: Unless you're- One of those people who knew all the spoilers
already. Like me!
*claps a hand over Felix's mouth* I wasn't going to spoil things
that easily. I learned my lesson. Not going to read it, then you
don't need to worry about a thing. Yup. Alex doesn't get defeated
trying to steal Alchemy, the parents aren't alive and don't transform into a
three headed dragon, Piers isn't 364893217 years old... er... okay, I'm
going overboard.
---
When did it all go wrong? At the word 'when'.
We used to be so happy together, We'd have sex everyday with lots of
BDSM, whipped cream and handcuffs!
living in the beautiful village of Vale, A sunken village. So
beautiful. Unless it was rebuilt. ... Hey, I do like Vale...
enjoying each day as it passed because of all the hot sex we were
getting.
I remember how I awoke in the morning, I opened my eyes and got
out of bed.
first rays of morning's light on my face. The sun had died and its
dying wish was for morning to take over with lighting up the world. Or
something.
I'd turn over and take a good look at you, and your long... hard...
yes, I peeped! BUAHAHAHAaaaa...
and I never wanted to lose you ever. Because you're just too damn
good in bed.
I would wrap my arms around you, like a christmas present
and hold on to you so tightly, that you went blue in the face and
pressed attempted murder charges.
sometimes it even pulled you from blessed slumber where you dreamed
of doing it with Mia as well.
But you never complained because you'd get to do it with Mia later
anyway, you would turn and hug me too. I'm better than
sleep. Hell, yeah.
Tell me, when did it go so wrong? Oh, that's right, when I
started speaking in flowery prose!
If only you could just tell me now, but you went back to only being
able to say 'yes' and 'no'.
but it's too late, it's far too late to realise repeating myself is
bad.
Now all I can do is relive it over and over again. Damn, why do I
keep repeating things?
That day is clear in my memory because the memory of sex never
goes away, as if it was just yesterday. When in fact it was
2 years, 3 months, 12 days, 2 hours, 9 minutes and 10 seconds ago!
Someone sneaked in the night with the best damn pair of sneakers
ever, disrupting the peace,
and they torched your parents' house because Kyle and Dora were just
too darn annoying.
It was razed to the ground in mere seconds. And everyone was
astonished as they witnessed fire working far too fast to be considered
normal.
Glaring orange-yellow flames (they were glaring because they were
mad at being forced to work so fast), leaping up high
reaching to the MOON!,
devouring that cottage like a slice of pizza pie hungry
beast named Bob.
You wanted to rush straight in and save your favorite teddybear,
but you were held back by the legion of teddybear haters.
I almost wish they had let you in now because I also liked that
teddybear.
Your father stumbled out among the billowing smoke, wondering how
the hell a fire could eat his house in seconds
coughing and retching until he fell over dead just like that then we
realised everything had been hit by a 'speed up time' curse because someone
was tired of waiting for GS3.
In his arms was your mother still orgasming from their wild se...
uh, sorry... she was still alive because of TRUE LOVE,
But not for much longer... because she couldn't handle the idea of
not getting any more for real.
You changed into a pink bunny suit that night, the night
you became an orphan.
I suppose you hoped your parents would be around forever, because
apparently you thought they were immortal.
but it was not to be for they succumbed to ill fate. "Passed away"
is far too harsh a phrase.
But WHY, WHYYYYYYYY?!?!?!?!1111 why did you have to start
to take it out on me? Is it because I kept peeking?
Your sweet little sayings (oh, what cute and sweet little
sayings! I could just pinch their cheeks!) became harsh, hurtful
words,
as I became the subject of your malicious abuse which I realised was
the result of the poetry ghost possessing you.
You became a terrifying monster named Bill, who was Bob's best
friend, angry because Bob died in the fire and
violent.
Your once beautiful blue eyes an icy cool blue which... now that I
think about it, is still blue isn't it?
Every night we screwed I was the subject of your sexual
advances so nothing new there,
Unwilling to because Bill was pretty damn bad in the sack,
yet you still pressed on and pressed as many damn buttons as you
could.
I wanted to flee, to get far away from the smell of mouldy socks,
but if I did so, you told me,
then I would suffer by listening to Barney music and my
family tenfold because they would be made to listen to Spice Girls.
I guess the secret your thoughts on yaoi
would only have slipped out sooner or later.
My family came to visit all at once for some reason, and
you tried to politely turn them away, by maniacally waving a
bloodied axe and yelling "STELLAAAA!!"
telling them that I was indisposed because of our excessively rough
sex and couldn't see them because I was temporarily blinded,
when in reality I was lying on the bathroom floor waiting for you to
come back for some more sex, broken and bruised.
I cried out as I suddenly had an orgasm, I just couldn't
help it. I struggled to the landing,
and I beheld my parents and my dear brother and immediately felt
very ashamed that they saw me naked... and you.
Glaring at me because I was orgasming without you in that
cold fury you never used to have before unless
Garet broke the roof again.
Then you grabbed your sword and started flying (Hey, wait, since
when could you fly?) like a madman who is possessed by a
poetry monster named Bill.
My mother and father were felled in seconds like trees,
unable to defend themselves against insane poetry ghosts.
My brave, valiant brother (what was his name again? Damn, I think I
forgot...) attempted to strike you down,
but then you struck him down with your amazing Adept-pwning
Stu powers and started laughing in glee because you'd just
found the last winning ticket to go to the chocolate factory.
That horrid laughter I shall never forget because I taped it and put
it in a stereo on repeat.
I started to cry, shameful though I am to admit it. Me? Cry?
NEVAR.
You came running up the stairs which surprised me because you could
just have flown instead of going to all that trouble and looked
into my eyes.
No longer did I know you because I'd just been struck by a bout of
amnesia, my lost love,
Gone forever, swept away with a very powerful broom in a
sea of torrential grief. We really do have a Sea of Torrential
Grief. Somewhere. I think.
The worst bit was next, when you tried to kill me. In a desperate
attempt to put an end to my horrible prose.
What could I do except summon Ronald McDonald to scare you off,
when you were choking off my life with brutal hands.
A fire which had been dwindling away inside me suddenly erupted like
a very powerful volcano,
and I found myself fighting back. Hey, why didn't I just do that
before?
Surprisingly, you were weak against the power of my fire Psynergy,
Because, you know, it's not like Venus Adepts are weak to Fire or
anything!
as I hit you with wave of fire upon fire, scorching you as I
indulged in sado-masochism.
You collapsed to the floor, releasing your terrible grip, and
realised even you couldn't end my prose spree.
and stared blankly into my eyes. You like my eyes, don't you?
I will always remember your dying gasp, in which you told me your
thoughts on yaoi, not with anger but sorrow because it had
been your sworn vow never to tell,
for the real you returned in the instance you died. Swearing to
haunt people who indulged in bad poetry.
"Jenna... I'm sorry... I couldn't stop you from speaking in prose..."
And I could tell you truly meant it.
I wept over your body, bitter salty tears of grief. Go cry, emo
kid.
I cried for your lost innocence which was actually lost when we were
14 and in the woods together, for lost love.
I cried for you who abused me when possessed by a poetry monster
named Bill, took away my beloved family,
I cried for you who once loved me dear until I apparently started
speaking like this.
Now I shall die with you, for I cannot go on. Goodbye, cruel
world! *emo*
They would execute me for acting in self-defence for murder
most wrong, because self-defence and murder are the same thing,
don't you know?
so I must be quick to erase myself with a handy eraser from the
store from this piece of paper life.
Perhaps we shall be reunited in a better one. Can we get a better
one off eBay?
Gleaming silver blade, so clean, so smooth, so cold. I left it
outside all night.
Soon to be stained with crimson blood of mine. Unless a vampire
wants it instead?
Yet, I have no regrets. I died with you, and I shall haunt flying
Adept Stus.
now my body too shall be gone. Because people vanish when they die.
Sweet bitter pain rushing up my body. I remembered to go down the
road, not across.
It's never felt so good before now. Because I only ever did
it across the road.
Goodbye, world, I forgot your name too. I now depart
forever.
And I love you, Isaac. And I'm sorry you turned into a flying Adept
Stu.
---
Felix: YOU KILLED ME?!?! ARRRGH!!! Yeah, Felix isn't too impressed
either.
Hmm... *grabs book on How to Train Muses* With whips. And rope. Lots
of it. How do you deal with angry muses? Hit them with a
frying pan.
Felix: YOU KILLED JENNA TOO! Yeah, now why did I do that? No idea.
DIE!
That's it! IVAN! I want to test a frying pan on you!
Ivan: Yeah? o.O
Sort out this angry Venus Adept quickly!
Ivan: Sure!
Felix: I COULD BEAT ISAAC EASY- He certainly could- oh, sorry, bias
speaking...
Ivan: *casts Sleep Psynergy*
Felix: *falls asleep* Low luck, huh?
Yeah, it's Isaac/Jenna too, strange huh? Yeah, pretty damn strange.
Please review. Sorry if it was a little bit strange, I like
the word strange >.> but, well, never doubt the power of English
Literature! *screams* At least I didn't go for the clichéd knife... Fire
Psynergy's about as original as you can get! ;) Except we're talking
about Golden Sun...
Ivan: But there was a knife! Really? I thought it was a gleaming
silver blade.
For SUICIDE, not KILLING ISAAC! Stabbing a lover is cliché, It is?
Damn, what poems was I reading? I don't know about stabbing
YOURSELF... Wasn't it wrist slitting? Eh...
Ivan: Oh... o.O;