Golden Sun: The Broken Story --- Fuchin Temple, the Orb of Force... this can only mean one thing. An overload of Star Wars references. --- [Studio] Director: I had an interesting idea. Would you like to hear it? Mia: Oh, you have an idea, Mr Director? Ivan: This doesn't have something to do with Star Wars, does it? Director: Why, yes. Yes, it does! Garet: D= I'm so tired of the Force jokes... *sigh* Isaac: You're not the only one... Director: Mia, why don't you wear your hair in some sort of really bad style? Maybe some ugly buns? Or put a weird looking fan shaped thing in it! Mia: ............... WHAT?! Garet: Why the heck would you want her to do that? Director: Well, look at the Star Wars ladies! They all look like they had blind hairdressers or something! Ivan: Sheba must have a blind hairdresser too... Isaac: Really, Archibald, that's not necessary. Garet: Yeah. Shut the heck up, Napoleon. Director: *silently fumes, growls and cracks coffee mug* [Fuchin Temple and Mogall Forest] *The Adepts are standing at the Kolima Bridge* Man: Oh! Hey, why do I even have this bridge up anyway? Mia: To control people, and tell them where they can and can't go? Man: Yes! That's exactly it! *moves lever* I mean, who am I to tell people if they can cross a bridge or not? *Bridge slams down perilously close to Isaac* Isaac: ACK!!! What are you trying to do? Kill me?! Garet: Isaac, it's common sense to make sure you'll well out of the way, you know... Isaac: But... but... it came down so fast! ;_; Mia: *sigh* Anyway, let's keep moving before this crazy dictator wannabe changes his mind. Ivan: I wholeheartedly agree... *The group continues on and reaches the Fuchin Temple* Garet: *reads a sign* Hmm... Fuc...kin' Temple? What kind of a name is that?! Ivan: It says Fuchin, Garet. Foo-shin... with an H, not a K. Garet: Oh... just, the sign's kinda hard to read... Mia: *sigh* I mean, really! You couldn't have such a vulgar name for this place in an E rated game! Isaac: Why don't we ask that monk over there? Hey, monk! Monk: ... Uh? Isaac: Is this place really named Fuchin Temple? Monk: Of course it is! What a silly question! *coughs nervously* Isaac: Then... the h isn't actually a substitute for the letter k? Mia: Isaac! Monk: What?! This isn't a brothel at all! Why would you even say that? Garet: Uh, he never said anything about a brothel... Monk: Um... er... ooh! A fish! *jumps into the lake* Ivan: That... was random... Mia: -_- Why don't we go inside that temple now? *The group enters the Temple to find a man silently sitting with eyes closed and ignoring them* Garet: Oh, look. Another monk. *pokes* Monk: ......... Garet: Huh? Hello? *raps on head* Monk: .......... Ivan: I think he's ignoring us. Monk: .......... Isaac: Mia, try putting some ice down his back! Mia: Uh... alright. =/ *does so* Monk: .......... Mia: He didn't even flinch! Garet: Hmm. Hey, try taking off your dress for him, Mia! Mia: *slaps Garet* I will do no such thing! Garet: Owie... ;_; Isaac: Maybe he's in a coma. Ivan: Hmm... I know! *reads the monk's mind* Monk: !!! You! Did you read my mind just now? Ivan: Wahhh! He's an Adept too?! Garet: Apparently so. Monk: Called Nyunpa, I am! Starving myself to death in order to attain enlightenment, I am. You people... something special about you, I sense. Mia: He's seriously starving himself to death? Isaac: Crazy guy. Nyunpa: A special power, you can claim. Curious about it, are you not? Isaac: No. Nyunpa: *reads his mind* Lies! Lies and slander! This power, you actually wish to get! Garet: Well, if it could help us on our quest, I suppose we would like to have it. Ivan: He reads minds too? ._. Nyunpa: Then, let you claim it, I will, young padawans. Garet: What's a... panda wan? Mia: I think he said padawan. Whatever it is. Nyunpa: To become proper Jedi, required is this power. Ivan: What is a Jedi? Isaac: I think this guy's on something. Garet: He sure speaks strangely too... Nyunpa: The force, you must master! Isaac: ... Force? Ivan: Seriously? Nyunpa: The quest of Force, go on and do it! Mia: I don't think we have a choice... *Isaac, Garet, Ivan and Mia go outside and proceed to the waterfall* Man by waterfall: Ah, the young padawans. You may now undertake the quest of Force. Please go on. *steps aside* Isaac: I still don't know what a padawan is... Garet: There's probably no such thing. The guy didn't seem to be all there, if you know what I mean. Ivan: Indeed, he did seem a bit strange. Mia: Anyway, I'm curious about this Force, so let's go and do it. I don't think we will become Jedi, though. Whatever that is. *Isaac, Garet, Ivan and Mia enter the cave and are surprised to find that it is actually a very futuristic looking place. They see four lightsabers on the floor in front of them.* Mia: Are we supposed to use these? Garet: But we have our own weapons! We don't need this junk. Ivan: Yeah. *tries to move on, but is stopped by a magical barrier* Oof! Electronic voice: You cannot proceed without the lightsabers! Isaac: This place creeps me out already. Let's just use these things then. Mia: I'll take the blue one! *grabs it* Isaac: I'll take this yellow one. *takes* Garet: I'm gonna take the red one. *does so* Ivan: Looks like I'm left with the purple one. *picks it up* *The group proceeds through the many chambers of the strange and futuristic cave, chopping up monsters with the lightsabers. At one point, they are stopped by the most horrifying thing to ever exist... well, almost.* Thing: Mesa most annoying thing ever! Mesa gonna annoy you all to death! *is suddenly hit by an onslaught of coffee mugs, hot coffee and rabid purple rabbits that quickly chew him to death* ACK! *dies* Director: Who... the hell... put... Jar Jar FREAKING BINKS in here?! Isaac: Huh? The thing had a name? Garet: We really have no idea! Ivan: It's probably the Wise One's doing. Ask him. Mia: Amazing... I actually had the urge to kill something for the second time in my entire life. Isaac: What was the first time? Mia: When Alex betrayed me. I wanted to kill him. Actually, I still do. Ivan: Yikes... o_o; Director: I am going to have a good talk with that one-eyed rock... anyway, keep going! *Isaac, Garet, Ivan and Mia continue through the cave. Unfortunately, they are careless and end up walking on spikes in one particularly dark room.* Isaac: Ow! Ow! Ow! *hops* Garet: I knew I should have provided some light! *winces* Ivan: Who put these spikes here? ;_; Mia: Owowow... T_T *After even more walking, the Adepts finally reach a room with a floating orb* Isaac: Huh? A floating orb? Garet: I guess we should take it. Ivan: Oh, could that be the Force? Mia: I think it's actually called the Orb of Force. Isaac: Well, we've got it now, so let's get out of here. *pockets Orb* *Suddenly, a bunch of droids run into the room and attack* Electronic voice: Use... the... Force! Isaac: *uses Orb of Force, but of course it's useless* Uh? Garet: Let's just use Psynergy! Ivan: *stabs at droids with lightsaber* What is that electronic voice going on about anyway? Electronic Voice: No... use... the... *bzzt* ... use... the FORK-k-k... *splutter, screech* Isaac: Huh, I guess it's malfunctioning... Ivan: It said to use the fork, so... *stabs droid with kitchen fork* Mia: Uh... I don't think so... Electronic Voice: *bzz bzzzt!* For-k! Wark! Wark! Isaac: Wark? =/ Chocobo: Wark! *runs in out of nowhere and pecks remaining droids* Mia: A Chocobo! How cute! Garet: This thing is no longer making sense... Director: I want to die... ... how much coffee should I drink? Electronic voice: *screech* ... *BOOM!* Ivan: It's dead. Isaac: Let's get out of this place... oh, yeah, got to get a Djinni somewhere first. Let's do that. *Isaac, Garet, Ivan and Mia leave after getting the Djinni and of course discard the lightsabers* Man by waterfall: Ah! You have attained Force! Go to see Nyunpa now! Garet: Do we have to? D= Ivan: I guess we should... Man: Hurry, he is waiting for you, padawans! Mia: Stop calling us padawans! Isaac: Yeah! We're Adepts, not padawans! *Isaac, Garet, Ivan and Mia go inside the temple to see Nyunpa* Nyunpa: Excellent! Mastered the Force, you have! Jedi, you now are! Rest, I will! *closes eyes* Garet: ... Did anything he just said make sense? Isaac: Well, I think I got that he wanted to sleep. Mia: He called us Jedi. We aren't Jedi, are we? Ivan: Of course not, Mia. The man's insane! Isaac: Let's leave him to his insane delusions now and move on. Garet: Finally! I've had it with this whole stupid place! *Isaac, Garet, Ivan and Mia leave Fuchin Temple and proceed into the Mogall Forest* Ape: O_O *runs away* Isaac: Huh? Was that a monkey? Ivan: No, I think it was an ape. Isaac: ... Is there a difference? Ivan: Yes, apes are different to monkeys just like chimpanzees, gorillas, baboons and orangutans are also different. I swear that was an ape. Isaac: They are all monkeys to me, Ivan. Ivan: Suit yourself. But if you wish to refer to them all as one thing, then please use the term "simian". Isaac: .......... Mia: Ivan! Come on! We have more important things to do than argue about what to call animals! Garet: We must chase after that ape! Mia: Ugh... you people are obsessed with these monkeys all of a sudden. Isaac: I'm not obsessed! ._. *The group pursues the ape through the Mogall Forest, grabbing a Venus Djinni along the way and finally get close to the exit* Garet: I think we lost the ape... Mia: Why were we even chasing it anyway? Ivan: Probably because we had nothing better to do. Isaac: At least we don't seem to have got lost... Mia: Maybe it did lead us through the forest... Garet: *sigh* I was hoping we could catch it. Ivan: But, why? Garet: I was going to keep it as a pet, call it Squishy, and it would be my Squishy! Isaac: Keep an APE as a PET? Are you nuts? Mia: Huh? What's that banging? Ivan: I think it's coming from that huge tree stump behind us... *A huge ape with a toaster on its head and a black cloak suddenly jumps out of the stump and roars* Mia: Ahhh! Garet: Whoah, that's a really big ape... Ape: I am Darth Ape! *beats on chest* Ivan: Darth Ape? Seriously? Darth Ape: I will take over the world and destroy humankind! The world shall be run by apes! Bwahahahahaha! Isaac: Oh, great. Yet another lunatic professing its desire to take over the world. What's so great about world domination anyway? Ivan: People like the feeling of raw power within their hands, I guess. *throws forks at Darth Ape* These things are pretty nifty! Darth Ape: Ow! Ow! Ow! ;_; Mia: Go! Chocobo! *The chocobo charges and frenziedly pecks Darth Ape* Ivan: Wait, you kept it? Mia: Isn't it cute? Chocobo: Wark! *pecks* Darth Ape: Get this thing off me! Garet: *sigh* Does anybody take battling seriously anymore? *attacks with fire Psynergy* Darth Ape: Maybe world domination isn't so easy after all... Isaac: This is it, Darth Ape! *holds up Orb of Force* I will defeat you right now and put an end to your dreams of world domination! Mia: Isaac, that thing's useless! Isaac: Huh? Oh, I forgot. Darth Ape: I don't think you want to kill me. Isaac: Why not? Darth Ape: Because I am your father. Isaac: Nice try. *summons Judgment* Darth Ape: ACK! *collapses in pain and looks at Ivan* Hama is your- Garet: Hey! *stabs Darth Ape* No spoiling! Darth Ape: *dies* Ivan: Isaac, he really wasn't your father, was he? Isaac: Of course not. My father is currently pretending to be dead in some snowy cold place- WAH! *is now dripping with coffee* Director: Great, now I have to brew more coffee... Garet: Sheesh, Isaac, you know you're not supposed to spoil the next game! Isaac: I know, I know. I just got carried away, that's all... Mia: Oh, what's this? *picks up shiny, blue thingy* Oh, the Douse Drop. Ivan: Well, now the ape stuff is out of the way, let's get moving... Garet: I hope the rest of our journey is going to be a little saner... Isaac: But that would be no fun! We must have randomness and insanity! Ivan: Randomness and insanity for the win!