Golden Sun: The Broken Story --- No, I couldn't come up with a better title than that, at least it's better than the previous one. Okay... a rewrite. Because at least the first few chapters needed it... old-style writing, ew. So, this is basically a crazy, whacked-out parody of the game, which is what I suppose you could call it. I'm messing with the plot and stuff, yay! --- [Studio] Kyarorain/Caz: Okay, guys, let's have fun again, okay? Isaac: This again? Garet: Man... v_v I can't even remember what last time was like. Felix: If a woman is my stunt double again, I won't be very impressed... Caz: Oh, I won't bother with stunt doubles this time. And that nice director man? He asked to come direct again. Jenna: What? But he was a psycho! Caz: I have no idea what you are talking about. ^_^ So, I'll see you later! *leaves* Garet: Noooooo! Isaac: We are doomed. ._. Director: Muahahahah... I mean, it's a pleasure to do this again. Isaac: GAH! ... You know, I don't really remember him so well anyway. Garet: Hey, Director guy, can I be the lead? Isaac: Hey! Felix: Garet as the lead is a horrifying thought. Garet: And I want Jenna to be my hot, sexy girlfriend- yikes! *hit on head and dragged away by severely annoyed Felix* Isaac: So... uh... *hears a thud and cry of pain* o_o Jenna: v_v; Maybe we should begin now. FELIX! Leave Garet alone! Garet: Owowowowow... Felix: o_o But he just fell over... just like that... Jenna: Just quit it! Director: *veins pulsing in forehead, grits teeth* Let's... begin... [Prologue] Dora: Isaac, wake up! Isaac: Zzz. Dora: Please, wake up! The Mt. Aleph boulder is falling! Isaac: Zzzzzz. Dora: Come on, we have to go! Isaac: Zzzzzzzzzzzz. Dora: *shakes him* Isaac! Get up! Isaac: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Dora: ... ... ... WAKE UP! Isaac: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Dora: *twitches and grinds teeth* Isaac: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Dora: Grrrr... Isaac: *continues to snore* Dora: *snaps* GET YOUR MUTHA(BLEEP)ING ASS OUT OF THAT GOD(BLEEP) BED RIGHT NOW! Isaac: O_O' *trembles and jumps out of bed* Dora: ^_^ Wait, Isaac! You forgot your tunic! *casts Catch and grabs tunic* Isaac: T_T *dragged to stairs* Dora: Have you got everything you need? Isaac: No. I haven't got my favourite teddybear, Mr Wookie. Dora: Well, we haven't got time to get it. Let's go. Isaac: Then why did you even ASK, woman?! *goes downstairs* Dora: ... Kyle: Isaac! Dora! Hurry! *Dora and Isaac prepare to leave house after Kyle, are momentarily freaked out by a candle being blown out, and leave* Dora: Kyle, will they be able to stop the boulder? Kyle: Well, someone tried to go up and apply more Superglue, but it's raining too hard. Director: What the hell?! That's not your line! Kyle: Not for long. Dora, take Isaac to the plaza. Dora: Aren't you coming? Kyle: Nope, I'm going to help evacuate the other villagers and I will somehow manage to completely and utterly ignore poor Garet pulling a chest. Dora: I want to come and ignore Garet too! Kyle: ... Well, okay then. Dora: Isaac, you go on all by yourself in the rain and brave falling boulders to get to the plaza, alright? You know the way! Isaac: WHAT?! *Dora and Kyle run off, leaving Isaac utterly alone* Isaac: Lousy parents. You know what, I'm just going to sit here and die. They will be sorry they left me all alone. *sits on ground* Director: Hey, you! What the heck are you doing? Isaac: Sitting. Director: You're not meant to be sitting! Isaac: Would you prefer me to lie down instead? Director: Get off your ass and move on! Isaac: Or maybe I could do a handstand. Director: Or maybe I could replace you with Paris Hilton. Isaac: ... You can do that? ... I think I'd rather not find out. *tries going south* Boulder: *crashes right on the steps in front of Isaac* Isaac: YIKES! I NEARLY GOT FREAKING KILLED! ... I'm suing my parents. They will pay. *tries going south again* Boulder: *does exact same thing as last boulder* Isaac: *sigh* I guess I'm going up. *does so* Garet: Ung... argh... *tugs at chest* Isaac: Hey, Garet. Garet: Gah... I can't... move it... Isaac: You know the boulder's falling, right? Garet: Y...yeah... *drops rope and sighs* Isaac: And lots of smaller boulders are falling? Garet: ... Are you going to help me? Isaac: And it's raining hard so the ground will probably be muddy anyway? Garet: ... ... ... So what are you trying to say? Isaac: Are you trying to get killed? Garet: You know, isn't it odd? My whole family apparently rushed off without making sure that I came along. They left me alone. Isaac: My parents left me alone too. Garet: ... Wow. This is awful. Isaac: Yeah. They left us all alone in this dangerous weather. Garet: *sobs* I feel so unloved. Isaac: And I nearly got killed by tiny falling boulders twice! Garet: You know what, Isaac? Let's go to the plaza together. I'll just forget about the stupid chest. My life is more important. Isaac: Yes. We must survive together so we can get revenge on our families. Garet: o_O;;; Okay... Isaac: *walks with Garet* So, what was in that chest? Garet: Oh, just some porn I drew. Mostly of Jenna. I hope Felix never finds it. Isaac: Garet... we're all fourteen years old. Garet: ... Heh, did I say porn? I meant... food! Yeah, food. Isaac: o_O; *Isaac and Garet reach the other side of the village and then there is rumbling and dramatic stuff and scene goes to boulder and people holding it* Man: So, Dora is totally hot, you know. Man 2: Heh, yeah, I'd totally do her. Man 3: Too bad about Kyle. Man 4: You know, maybe he could just... disappear. Man 3: I like your line of thinking. Man 2: Is anyone tired? Man 1: I am. *stops using Psynergy and pretends to look around, then shouts* Hey! You two! Keep going, you can make it! Isaac: Let's keep going. Garet: Good idea. *Isaac and Garet go on and are almost hit by yet another mini boulder, but go on past Kraden's cottage anyway and see dying man.* Man: Oog... rockslide... fence destroyed... monsters are everywhere... Isaac: Looks like he's hurt. Garet: Really? I thought he was just sleepy. Isaac: Uh... right. Garet: Well, the ground looks pretty comfortable! Isaac: -_-;;; You really are an idiot sometimes. Man: Do you think... I'm done for? Isaac: Let's face it, we're all done for. This awful weather, these falling rocks, a huge boulder about to fall that everyone is so scared of yet it barely does any damage. What is up with this village? Garet: I think we're just paranoid. Or we think it's going to be a lot more destructive than it actually is. Just one house? Pfft. Director: Stop telling the future, you two! I don't care if it's ten minutes, quit your little psychic act! Isaac: Man, he's cranky. I bet his name is Archibald or something horrid. Garet: Nah, he's probably named Napoleon. Man: Am I done for?! Isaac/Garet: Yes! Isaac: It's rude to interrupt conversations! Garet: Yeah, I know, sheesh. Man: I knew it then... please go on... save yourselves. ... Rosebud. *dies* Isaac: I wonder who Rosebud is. Garet: I think he just loved flowers. *Isaac and Garet continue on south toward the house that will wind up being the only one destroyed by a 'dangerous boulder'* Jenna: ONOZ! My brother! ... This line doesn't sound right at all. It's not like he just fell in, is it? I just suddenly yell 'Oh no' even though we've probably been standing here for- Director: SHUT UP, JENNA! Jenna: *sobs* Jenna's mom: You horrible man! Felix: Don't yell at my- *realises he should save energy for holding on to post in raging river and shuts up* ... This sucks. Kyle: Hold on, Felix! *throws rope that is way too short* Dora: Don't worry, Jenna, Felix will be fine. Felix: Hey, look, I can let go of a wooden post! *does so* Felix's dad: ... He's suicidal. Felix's mom: And three years early too. Jenna: Noooooooo! Felix! ;_; Felix: Just kidding! *grabs hold again* ... >_> Felix's dad: Well, the rope won't reach... got any Psynergy left? Kyle: No, I used all mine up helping everyone else. Dora: I have just had an amazing idea. Felix's mom: We should go out and get stoned again?! Dora: ... Uh, no. I was going to suggest we go and look for people who can help. Felix's mom: Oh. Well, that's fine too. Felix's dad: Can Felix hold on long enough? Felix: You could all just stand there and do nothing! That would be a lot more helpful, wouldn't it? Jenna: ... Let's just leave him there. -_-+ Felix: No! ;_; Kyle: Well, go on then, and hurry. Dora: Jenna, why don't you come help too? Jenna: Uh, ok. Felix's dad: Your brother's counting on you, Jenna. Felix's mom: Hurry and find help. *Dora and Jenna go through house* Dora: Okay, you go south, I'll go north and disappear completely. Jenna: I'm looking for people with Psynergy, right? Dora: If you could find people with drugs too, that would be great. Jenna: O_O *slowly backs away and runs off toward plaza* Dora: Isaac! Isaac: You! The woman who abandoned me! Garet: ... Isaac. Isaac: Uh, I mean, Mommy dearest? ^_^''' Dora: Did you see what happened just now? Isaac: Um, no. I've actually just gone blind. Garet: >_> Geez... Dora: *ignores Isaac* Felix's fallen in the river. Oh, could you two help? Isaac: Sorry, got an appointment with the eye doctor about my sudden case of blindness, so... Director: ISAAC! *is looking very pissed and drinking coffee* Isaac: Do I have to? Dora: *growls angrily* You know what? Just get your (BLEEP)ing asses to the (BLEEP)ing plaza, you lousy good-for-nothings! *storms up north and completely vanishes without a trace* Isaac: She has really nasty mood swings. Garet: I think it's your fault. Isaac: Let's get to the plaza. *Isaac and Garet go to plaza* Garet: I'm hungry. Let's go have a quick meal at the inn. Isaac: No. Oh, hey, there's Jenna. *Isaac and Garet approach the small group* Mayor: Okay, you two men standing there, go and aid the people holding the boulder, immediately. Got that? Men: Of course. We can't let our village be destroyed. *walk away slowly* Mayor: ... I said immediately. What's wrong with them? Garet: Grandpa! Jenna! Jenna: Garet... Isaac... Mayor: Did you come to help Felix? Isaac: While we're here, could you arrange a hit on my parents? Garet: Isaac! We didn't come for that. Sheesh. We came to help Felix! Mayor: Good boys, Jenna could use a hand. Man on Psynergy Stone: Great! I'm charged up! Yaaaah! *jumps off stone* Isaac: ... Is he insane? Garet: Probably. Mayor: Have you recovered your Psynergy? Psynergy Stone Man: Yes, I have enough to help Felix. Mayor: Excellent. Oh, Garet, Isaac, you two show the way back. It might be blocked by even more miniature boulders which seem conveniently placed to block your way wherever you go. Isaac: ... Okay. o_o Garet: I guess we might as well. Jenna: Thank you, Isaac... *Isaac, Garet, Jenna and Psynergy Stone Man walk back to bridge* Jenna: Mom, Dad! We're back! Dora: Is that you, Jenna? Jenna: *under breath* Actually, no, I am an evil zombie of the deep who is about to eat your brains. *louder* Yes, Ma'am. Isaac/Garet: Er... o_o;;; Dora: I had no luck. Did you find anyone? Isaac: Oh come on! You just vanished! Garet: Yeah. Probably hanging out with those guys holding the boulder. Dora: ... I am a married woman! Kyle: Yeah! Garet: Not if they make him disappear like they just said. Isaac: ... No. It can't be. Psynergy Stone Man: I'm here to help Felix! Dora: Hurry down here then! Jenna: Just what I was thinking. *Isaac, Garet, Jenna, and Psynergy Stone Man come down and stand there near bridge* Dora: ... Are you waiting for something? Isaac: Hey, if those guys are holding the boulder and my dad's in the boulder's path... Garet: And they like your mom... Jenna: ... What's this got to do with helping Felix? Director: Boulder! Now! Psynergy Stone Man: Hey! Dramatic rumbling and shaking and stuff! Cool! *Freezeframes. Can't be bothered to describe them. Felix's parents and Kyle are seen gazing in rapture at oncoming boulder and that's it, then Isaac, Jenna, Garet and Dora are standing by river with everyone else gone, oh and Psynergy Stone Man is lying on ground* Isaac: ... *drops tunic* What the heck just happened? Garet: Well, the boulder fell, your dad's gone. Pretty obvious. I think they let go of it to get rid of him so they could have your mom all to themselves. Dora: Kyle... no... this must be a nightmare... Jenna: Mom... Dad... Felix... please... please, don't leave me all alone. Garet: Isaac, you'd better go get help before they drown. I'm too much of a lazy ass to come along. Psynergy Stone Man: OOg. Ankle. Broken. Can't move. *Isaac goes up along bridge and continues, disappearing to next area* Garet: Isaac... I can't let him go on alone. I've changed my mind about being a lazy ass! *follows Isaac* *Isaac stops in his track upon hearing voices* Saturos: It was a miracle we survived that trap. Menardi: We were the only survivors... Saturos: Alchemy is indeed powerful, to make a storm like this. Menardi: Maybe next time... we shall... Garet: ISAAC! WAIT! I HAVE TO STUPIDLY REVEAL THAT YOU WERE EAVESDROPPING SO THAT WE CAN GET BEATEN UP AND FORGET- Director: Shut the hell up, Garet! Saturos/Menardi: ??? *walk over and see Isaac* Menardi: Were you eavesdropping? Isaac: Yeah, man, that was the most boring conversation ever. So you survived a trap, were the only ones, Alchemy's powerful. Whatever. *Saturos and Menardi look at each other* Garet: *walks up to Isaac* Isaac, those people look scary. Should you really be talking to them? Isaac: You're lucky we're best friends, Garet. Very lucky. Saturos: You must forget everything you ever heard. Garet: Well, actually, I'm not too bad at forgetting. I forget all the time. Isaac: You didn't even hear anything! Garet: Oh. Menardi: It's okay! We'll help you forget! Saturos: And we're nice people and stuff too! We're not even evil! Don't you think if we were evil, we would kill them? Why did everyone think we were evil? Menardi: I have no idea. I think people are just very strange. I bet it's because we have red ears and pointy ears. It's discrimination! Director: You two! Beat them up already! Saturos: Oh, yeah. Almost forgot. Menardi: Whoops. *Saturos and Menardi jump down* Mystery Woman appears! Mystery Man appears! Isaac: ... Mystery Woman and Mystery Man? *cracks up* That's so cheesy. Garet: Isaac, we're kind of in danger right now. Isaac: XD I mean, could you get any lamer? I suppose their real names are something silly like Saturos and Menardi. Menardi: *casts Death Scythe and knocks out Isaac* Can you believe they translated it as Death Size? Saturos: I know! At least they finally got it right, but sheesh. What's Death Size do? Make you so big or small you die? That makes no sense! Menardi: Silly translators. Garet: Isaac... Saturos: *knocks out Garet with Fireball* *Saturos and Menardi hop away to somehow save four people and drag them all the way back to their ship, wherever it might be, leaving Isaac and Garet unconscious on ground.*