---
Hello! I am the new ruler of the world, Oh. Sure. Yeah. Caz
Author Notes aren't for introducing self, silly person. (Haha,
I wish) and today I decided to eat a lot of cheese to write
a Christmas fanfic, because I hate the world, starring
the cast of Golden Sun in Vale. Why Vale? Why not somewhere cool
like... never mind. Hmm, I wonder what they will get up to?
ORGY! Ah, the disclaimer... BIG BALL OF ROCK
WITH AN EYE! I still call it a ball of rock too...
Wise One: Excuse me, I hope you didnt mean me! No, I meant your evil
twin, Wise Two.
Yes, I did actually. Please could you deliver the disclaimer because
I am too lazy to, or I'll get you to battle Alex again only this
time
you'll be right on top of the MERCURY LIGHTHOUSE! Somehow, not sure
it would make Alex any better...
Wise One: O_O; Um, Caz does not own Golden Sun which we knew anyway...
Camelot does. I thought that was obvious... Isn't it? I
must get back
to guarding Mt. Aleph. *vanishes*
---
It was a freezing cold day. Everyone was pleasantly surprised
since they were used to boiling hot Decembers. The wind howled
through the bare trees. And werewolves joined in far away in Garoh.
Mars Adepts were busy at work casting Inferno on
themselves in a desperate attempt at suicide and getting
burnt to cinders. Venus Adepts were casting Grand Gaia which seems
to require a few Djinn though and jumping right into the eruptions,
getting blasted helter skelter. Suicide is serious business in Vale!
Isaac was sitting on his bed, playing with Isaac Jr, peering
out of the window in boredom. He wanted to have an adventure all over again,
and get some action this time.
but he didnt know what to do, until an idea struck him hard on the head
and gave him anmesia,
"I'll sneak up Mt. Aleph even though it sank and steal that
power I'm supposed to have a part of that's being directed
there from the four lighthouses which are apparently screwing up,
it's been there for
so long because someone played guessing games with The Lost Age's
ending in Japanese, somebody has to take it. Alex
apparently gave up. Then I, Isaac Venus, originality is
dead, will be ALL POWERFUL!"
Isaac cackled insanely like an insane Adept trapped in a spiralling
destruction of OOC as he wrapped his yellow scarf around his neck
and packed a small bag containing his Gaia
Blade which had shrunk enough to fit into a bag, 5 Nuts, 1
Water of Life because Mia had stolen the rest in a spiteful mood,
Catch Beads, Carry Stone, Halt Gem and Orb of Force. His 9 Djinn hopped
around in excitement,
they wanted to do lots of new things like having orgies.
Isaac ran downstairs and waved bye to his mother and father who looked up
from
the table in bemusement. Kyle stood up,
"Isaac, it's too cold outside, you shouldnt leave just yet. Even
though other people are out there committing suicide."
Isaac ignored his father and promptly got scolded and
continued outside, running as fast as he could go to escape
punishment. Kyle ran after him as far as the front
door and shouted,
"No, Isaac, dont, there might be antagonists about... What if they
all die too?!"
Dora stood beside him with a sorrowful expression thinking of the
cursed antagonists who would fall over dead just being near Isaac,
"Isaac took my Catch Beads again. I liked using them for tying up.
We really must try and settle that boy down with the local
prostitute before he becomes too much of a nuisance.
He's so stubborn, just like you Kyle! I am also stuck repeating
things I said before."
Isaac huffed and puffed and blew the house down as he
ran through the icy snow and then stopped because he could hear a strange
noise that oddly sounded like groaning, grunting and heaving.
He turned and saw
Garet being beaten up by his little brother who was much smaller yet
quite capable for some odd reason. Garet screamed,
"I'm sorry, I didnt mean to make Sis cry by burning her flowers! I
thought she would just kill me instead! Please stop!"
Isaac creased up in laughter and rolled over the snow, heaving up
his lunch, his dishwater blond hair becoming snowy white. Garet
spotted him rolling in the snow and shouted,
"Isaac, help, my little brother's gone crazy!"
Garet's little brother Aaron kicked him in the balls with a rather
impressive high kick and shut him up. Isaac finally composed
himself and stood up,
"Um, Aaron, I dont think you should beat him up anymore, he's pretty badly
hurt. Let me get the whip."
"Oh no, I'm so sorry, Garet! I'll get Sis to do it instead!"
Aaron ran back into the house, calling for Garet's sister, Kay. Garet
struggled to get up but collapsed again. Isaac
helped by casting Cure Well and fully healing Garet. Garet smiled,
"So, Isaac, where are you going?"
"To Timbuktu. To the top of Mount Aleph, I
want to steal that power I have a strange feeling I already have."
"Not if I steal it first."
Isaac and Garet jumped in surprise and turned to see Felix. He made his way
towards the steps leading to Mount Aleph
and Isaac and Garet looked at each other then passionately kissed.
Garet helpfully said,
"Isaac, we'd better go and stop him have a
threesome with him."
"I'm helping you!"
Isaac and Garet turned to see Jenna, with an armful of ropes a
determined look on her face.
"I'm not letting my brother go solo power crazy,
what if he stays a virgin forever got beaten down by the
Wise One like poor Alex did? We have to
stop my brother, before he winds up in trouble."
"Yeah... let's go screw 'im! hey, Jenna?"
"What is it, Garet?"
"Is Felix bi older or younger than you?"
"Why do you want to know that? Oh, ok, he's open for anyone
older by about half a year which isnt much. LETS GO!"
Jenna joined Isaac and Garet's wild sex party and they ran
up to Mount Aleph only to be chased away by the healer behind the tree
who demanded a handjob,
"You're not thinking of sneaking up to Mount Aleph are you?"
"Yes actually, Ms. Healer. GRAND GAIA!"
Isaac cast the spell and roasted the healer. The relieved Venus Adept ran
all the way to the mountain and wondered what
to do next. Garet helpfully pointed at some saplings,
"Let's switch an Earth and Fire Djinni and then we can both use Growth.
By the way, I've grown a few more brain cells."
They switched Flint and Forge and started slowly clambering up the mountain.
Garet mumbled under his breath about losing some of his fire moves and the
irritated Jenna swapped one of her Fire Djinni for his borrowed Venus Djinni
to shut him up.
Garet started complaining that he wanted sex right now that
he didnt like Cannon and then Jenna threatened to push him down the
mountain. Isaac didnt
listen to their bickering, he was too busy concentrating on watching Felix
reaching the top.
Felix stood on the top of a giant cake, dressed in nothing but a
ribbon Mount Aleph, laughing singing
"Happy birthday, Isaac" as he reached out his hands. Four long
beams of light connected to forn
a white orb that was secretly a giant tapioca, containing
the power of Alchemy. It was just beyond Felix's grasp. He shuffled
forwards, excited at receiving
so much power, he didnt see Isaac cast Ragnarok. He collapsed to the ground
in shock and turned to see the triumphant
Isaac with a slice of cake, the peeved and quite
jealous Garet and the shocked Jenna. Felix drew his sword
a badly drawn picture of naked Isaac ,
"Isaac, you wish to stop do me? Let's
fight!"
Jenna gasped in dismay, but then something very shocking happened to prevent
any conflicts.
"Ohoho, so little Felix has grown up and thinks he is brave enough to
face against someone? I mean, it wasn't really him facing that
three-headed dragon, right?"
"HUH?" gasped the four adepts simultaneously, absolutely horrified. They
recognized that nasal voice, it could only belong to one particularly nasty
female Mars Adept from Purokus Village, the location of the Fire Clan of the
North.
"They look rather surprised. They shouldnt have come here anyway, we should
teach them a lesson on BDSM, little sneaks."
"AAH!" yelled the scared adepts, the other voice also belonged to a Mars
Adept from Purokus Village.
"They beat me, they beat my sister, they beat the best men from Purokus
Village. Lets get them!"
Isaac, Garet, Felix and Jenna got into battle stances, shaking in fright
because they had been reduced to wimps. Or saw dead people.
"Shouldnt we steal the power first and use it against them? I mean, those
brats are powerful, we gotta prove we're more
powerful than them right?"
Jenna was pissed, "Are you trying to tell me there are FOUR Mars Adepts from
Purokus Village, all standing upon the top
of Mt. Aleph? Is there some kind of wild party going on up here?"
"And dont forget... dun, dun, dun... The ALSO POSSIBLY DEAD
MERCURY ADEPT FROM IMIL!"
"ALEX!" yelled Jenna in surprise "I thought the Wise One killed you?"
Didn't we all?
"The Wise One? He couldnt kill a fly."
Felix glanced around worriedly as if he expected a floating rock with a
gigantic eyeball to appear at any moment. Isaac
shook his head and walked to the edge of Mount Aleph, staring down at the
village of Vale. He had grown tired of staring at Agatio's butt-ugly
face. Garet stared at the four
Mars Adepts of the North,
"But how did Saturos and Menardi survive falling down the Venus Lighthouse?"
"Er, we swam, didnt we Saturos?" Apparently I agreed with Sheba on
her theory of them landing in the water. Before the game was out in
English. Wow.
"Yes, we then went on a killing spree because we are 'TEH EBIL
MUAHAHAHAHA' and burnt down Suhalla."
"Why Suhalla?" exclaimed Garet, not noticing Karst and Agatio sneaking up on
the unsuspecting Isaac. Jenna was talking
to Alex and Felix seemed to be thinking deeply about his thoughts on
yaoi.
"Because Suhalla was where the stupid guards told Iodem we had Sheba after
they got beaten up! It was a crap place anyway."
"Oh... But... they only said Sheba disappeared... it was the guards in
Lali-"
"ERUPTION!" So... Karst and Agatio learned Eruption?
The yell came from neither Saturos, Menardi, Garet or Jenna. It
would be a bit strange coming from Jenna. It came from Agatio and
Karst and it sent the screaming
Isaac flying off the edge of Mount Aleph. Serves him right for
letting his guard down. Saturos, Menardi, Agatio and Karst started
laughing demonically because they are EVIL, duh! while
Garet,
Felix and Jenna screamed
"ISAAAAAAAAAC!"
Alex decided to disappear and teleported away. Now it was Jenna, Felix and
Garet left to face the FOUR MARS ADEPT
OF THE FIRE CLAN OF THE NORTH. Saturos raised one hand high,
"Let the Four members of the Fire Clan of the North become one... INFERNO
DRAGON." Apparently, turning into a dragon doesn't really leave you
so exhausted, you die anyway?
Suddenly, a big red four headed Dragon appeared and stomped towards them.
But just as doom stared them in the face, three Mercury Adepts appeared
behind the terrified Felix, Jenna and Garet. I guess they knew only
three of them would suck against a four-headed dragon. Alex had
teleported over Mia and Picard to help them because he had super
improved warping powers. Garet blurted out,
"Alex, why are you helping us?"
"Because I dont like them trying to take my power, thats why."
"GARET!"
Mia immediately glomped Garet who looked a lot happier,
"Mia! I'm glad to see you again!"
One of the heads spoke menacingly,
"You now face the true power of the Fire Clan of the
North-"
"Yeah, whatever." interrupted Garet.
"We can eat your Djinn for breakfast and knock you out in
one blow and we always attack four times a go which is more than
Dullahan. And we have tons of fantastic
summons like the Dancing Banana or the Polka Dotted Clown,
and we can recover HP and stuff like that."
"So what, we'll beat you again!" shouted Garet. Nobody noticed Felix
slipping on a banana peel away in the background. The
remaining
Adepts got into battle stances and prepared to fight the evil Inferno
Dragon.
"This is for our lives!" screamed Jenna.
"ISAAC, I LIKE CAPS LOCK! we're avenging you!" hollered
Garet.
"HUH?" gaped Mia, as she joined in the caps lock rage she
had missed the action. Picard looked confused, he didn't understand
the big deal about caps lock.
"He's DEAD!" screamed Jenna, leaping on the caps lock bandwagon. "Agatio
and Karst knocked him off the mountain because he was an idiot who
let his guard down!"
"Poor Isaac." murmured Picard, feeling extremely unsympathetic.
"Could we just get on with this?" snapped Alex. He didn't give a
damn about the person who stole part of the power he apparently didn't even
have any of.
"SHUT YOUR TRAP!" screamed Mia.
"I teleport her here, using a lot of Psynergy, and THATS the thanks I get?"
muttered Alex. She does hate your guts.
"PUROKUS FLAME PROX CHEESE POWER!"
"NORTH STAR CHEDDAR CRUSH!!"
"MARS FIRE PARMESAN PUNCH!"
"BLAZING BEAM STILTON SMASH!"
Luckily, the Djinn had popped up and made protective shields around the
Adepts without being asked which broke the laws of battle,
so they took
minimal damage, sadly it was only temporarily. The Djinn let them use some
special summons too even though there were no tablets in sight.
"SOL FIRE! Wait, this isn't even a deity."
"ALEPH ERUPTION! This isn't a deity either!"
"IMIL RAIN! Who the hell is making up these summons?"
"LEMURIAN DOUSE! Are these even summons?"
"IMIL DRENCH! I want the damn deities back. Though, Meteor's fine
too."
Felix was about to touch himself that blazing ball of
Alchemy when the Floating Ball of Rock appeared. Felix gasped and jumped
back nervously. The Wise One blinked at him suspiciously,
"What do you want?"
"Er, I want a pony and a plastic rocket. I just want to
give Kraden this ball of power which is apparently supposed to be
Alchemy as a Christmas Present, so he can conquer the world to
help him with his alchemy studies."
"Christmas is two days away, isnt it? But Kraden cant have it, nobody can."
The Wise One promptly used Mind Read on the surprised Felix and learnt the
truth,
"YOU TRIED TO STEAL THE POWER!"'
"FEEEEELIIIIIX!" yelled Jenna. She tried to run to her brother's aid but
then the Inferno Dragon casted a summon
called North Clan Warrior's Flame Thingamajig
Lovely and Sparkly Attractive Cheese Shower and everybody got
seriously hurt. Then the Inferno Dragon put all
the Djinn on recovery with Djinn Hellfire Storm
and nobody could use party healing spells. Then the Inferno Dragon
stunned everybody with a Sky Firebolt attack partly
named after Harry Potter's broomstick, THEN the Inferno Dragon
summoned Blazing North Meteor violated
everyone with cheese sticks and won the battle.
Felix watched on in horror, not sure which scared him most, a psycho
dragon or a mad ball of rock with only one eye.
The Wise One scolded him,
"The power is mine. Go away. By the way, I'm being much nicer to you
than I was to Alex. I'm just going to treat you like an annoying
four-year-old."
"But that Dragon is trying to steal it. Those nasty people
meanies killed Isaac and now they've tried to kill my
sister,
and my friends. I'm telling Mommy!"
"Well, beat it then, Felix."
"WHAT? ME?"
"We'll both defeat it!" The charred, bruised Isaac appeared on the peak of
Mt. Aleph and approached them, grinning
broadly. Felix gaped,
"Isaac! You survived!"
"Of course I did, I'm Isaac Venus I may be an idiot
but, I know how to grab onto a ledge and climb up and heal myself
using my own curing spells then continue climbing up, thanks. Now, Felix,
let us copy them and fuse! Why shouldnt we be able to? So what if it
might kill us too?"
"Wait, shouldnt we heal our friends, and my sister? They might be able to
help."
"What element would we be if we all fused?"
"I dunno. All of them? The Doom Dragon used Mars and Venus attacks,
didn't it?"
"QUARTZ! REVIVE!"
Quartz revived Garet, while Isaac revived Jenna.
"REVIVE! Er, REVIVE AGAIN! Oh, and Revive once more."
Felix revived Mia, Picard and Alex.
The Dragon tried to cast a summon on them but the Wise One somehow
stopped it and turned to the numerous Adepts.
"The fate of the world lies in your hands..."
"Wait, what about us?"
Sheba teleported in front of them, and Ivan along with her. Somehow
they had learned to teleport.
"The fate of the world lies in your hands, Isaac Venus, Garet Jerra, Ivan
Hammet, Mia Mercury, Felix Sol, Jenna
Sol, Sheba Faran, and Picard Lemuria. I love unoriginal last
names... Now, FUSE! AND DIE IN EXHAUSTION AFTERWARD!"
Before Alex could say or do anything, all eight Adepts clasped hands and
yelled "FUSE POWER, MAKE UP!" glowed with eerie white
light, before becoming one... big... freaking... DRAGON. The jealous Alex
sulked and slinked away from the Wise One, suspicious that he was trying to
have a rematch with him. The Dragon was silver, and had four wings, as well
as eight big heads which eerily intoned,
"We are the Alchemy Dragon. And I like bacon."
The Alchemy Dragon could attack eight times a go, while the Inferno Dragon could only attack four times a go.
The Inferno dragon cast North Clan Freak's flaming thingy
Super Cheese Blast, big nasty meteor
Giant Gorgonzola, Outer Space and Dragon's
Hellbreath Smelly Cheese Breath.
The other dragon's resistance proved useful and it was
barely hurt. It cast...
THE GREAT SOL'S ULTIMATE FIRE Sol Super Sunburn
Attack
LUNA'S DRENCHING TORRENT Luna Sucre Insanity
ALEPH EARTH SPIRIT Moon Tiara Boomerang Healing
Escalation Twilight Flash Attractive Attack
HURRICANES OF JUPITER Jupiter Thunder Thighs!
MARS DRAGONBREATH Mars Flame Pepper Spray
MERCURY SEA FORCE Mercury Aqua Sponge Bath
VENUS WILDERNESS Venus Love And Tree Hugging!
TORNADOS OF HESPERIA Flowery Hurricane of Rose
Petals
The Alchemy Dragon was fifty zillion times more powerful than the Inferno
Dragon and knocked it out. Four Purokus Village
Mars Adepts lay unconscious and quite possibly close to death and
the Wise One teleported them far away. Then it looked for Alex and spotted
him. Jenna
darted in front of Alex, her eyes blazing defiantly,
"First you practically kill Alex, then you consider killing my brother, then
you try to kill Alex again. YOURE NOT
GETTING AWAY WITH THIS! MURDERER!" I'm... not sure... it classifies
as murder.
Alex stared at her, not sure what to say. Felix shook his head and muttered
something under his breath. It sounded like "batshit insane".
The Wise One got pissed off then... and attacked everybody! (With the
exception of Alex, who somehow got out of the
way in time)
Wise one appeared!
Isaac and Felix's party attacks first! Just Felix's... Isaac gets no love in the second game.
Ivan casts Spark Plasma!
Wise One takes 1 damage!
Wise One recovered 1 HP!
Sheba casts Destruct Ray!
Wise One takes 1 damage!
Wise One recovered 1 HP!
Jenna casts Inferno! She'd somehow figured out how to use attacks
she wasn't meant to.
Wise One takes 1 damage!
Wise One recovered 1 HP!
Felix casts Ragnarok! He'd somehow forgotten about Odyssey.
Wise One takes 1 damage!
Wise One recovered 1 HP!
Isaac casts Mother Gaia!
Wise One takes 1 damage!
Wise One recovered 1 HP!
Picard casts Deluge! He really can't have Deluge if everyone else is
in their normal classes...
Wise One takes 1 damage!
Wise One recovered 1 HP!
Mia casts Glacier!
Wise One takes 1 damage!
Wise One recovered 1 HP!
Garet casts Eruption!
Wise One takes 1 damage!
Wise One recovered 1 HP!
Wise One casts POWER OF THE ONE-EYED ROCK!
Isaac takes 999999 damage!
Isaac goes down...
Garet takes 999999 damage!
Garet goes down...
Ivan takes 999999 damage!
Ivan goes down...
Mia takes 999999 damage!
Mia goes down...
Felix takes 999999 damage!
Felix goes down...
Jenna takes 999999 damage!
Jenna goes down...
Sheba takes 999999 damage!
Sheba goes down...
Picard takes 999999 damage!
Picard goes down...
The Wise One cackled with insane glee because it was evil
incarnate as it flung the eight adepts far off the mountain and
flung them in the river.
Alex teleported out of danger before it could do anything to him and he
concentrated on fishing his friends that he backstabbed and lied to
and insulted out
of the river and taking them to the sanctum where they were promptly healed.
The next day was Christmas Eve, and it was time for the annual Vale Show.
Mia, Ivan, Sheba, Picard and Alex stayed in Vale
so that they could watch the play. The four Valean Adepts were the main
characters, lucky for them. Little did they
realise that the play was almost a replica of their own adventures.
The cast:
Isaac Venus- Sir Isaac, loyal Knight, silent and brooding
Garet Jerra- Sir Garet, the blunderman Aw, come on, do we have to
stereotype? who accompanies Isaac
Jenna Sol- Lady Jenna, the sad but spirited girl, captured by masked man
Felix Sol- Lord Felix, the brave man/The Mysterious Masked Man
Kay Jerra- Dimenar which is basically Menardi rearranged,
spiteful and evil woman because Menardi is totally "spiteful and
evil" too!
Billy Smith (Blacksmith)- Ossatur which is Saturos rearranged too...,
crazy man quite unlike Saturos.
Kraden- Mister Kraden, blundering old fool and quite the opposite of
Kraden who accompanies the captives
Aaron Jerra- helpful little boy called Ian who forces himself into adventure
Lily Flower (Item store owner) Yay for OCs! Sort of. -
Maya, a guardian
Anna Valea oh, come on! Use real surnames! (one of the
little kids in plaza)- Annie, the little captive
Andy Valea (Brother of Anna)- Narrator
(FIRST SCENE)
Felix: "Jenna, The Big Bad Dragon of the North who is obviously big and bad because it lives up North is threatening to destroy Valley, I must stop him all by myself."
Jenna: "No, Felix, you must stay..."
Felix: "Jenna, I'll be back as soon as I can. I promise. It's only a quick walk to get there"
Jenna: "But...Felix..."
FELIX WALKS OUT OF DOOR
Jenna: *screams* "Noooooo, Felix! See, I'm repeating myself!"
...
Jenna: "Felix... please dont leave me all alone... See, I did it again, and I'm such a drama queen."
JENNA FOLLOWS
(OFFSTAGE) THUD! BUMP!
(OFFSTAGE) Felix: "owwww!"
(OFFSTAGE) Jenna: "Oh, Felix, I'm sorry! It's too blooming dark back
here! Hey, is that your sword?"
ANDY NARRATES
Andy: "The weeks flew past and Jenna heard nothing, until she recieved a
telegram wouldn't a note be better? The word telegram is a little
specific saying that Felix was dead. It
was written in blood, and she didnt know who sent it but she believed it all
the same."
(SECOND SCENE)
JENNA WALKS ONSTAGE, DABBING AT FACE WITH TISSUE
Jenna: "Oh, woe is me for my brother has been slain by a nasty dragon. Oh, Felix!"
(OFFSTAGE)Felix: "Huh? Damn, she's too loud."
(OFFSTAGE)Anna: "Shush, it's not your part yet."
ISAAC WALKS ONSTAGE
Isaac: "Lady Jenna, are you alright?"
Jenna: "My brother, Lord Felix, has been slain fighting the evil dragon
of the north. Valley is in danger,
what can we do?"
Isaac: "..." Isaac had just gone mute again.
GARET WALKS ONSTAGE
Garet: "Lady Jenna! The Guards of the Gate have been fallen and two
strange people are coming, with a third behind
them who is wearing a funny mask on his face!" It was funny because
it was a clown mask.
Jenna: "Oh no! Send everybody to the Plaza now, we must defend Valley! Though, wouldn't the bad guys be coming through the plaza?"
Isaac: "!!! Right, Lady Jenna!!!"
ISAAC AND GARET RUN OFFSTAGE
Jenna: (to self) "What's the point of sending them to the plaza?" Yeah. Aren't you just kind of endangering them?
JENNA WALKS OFFSTAGE
(SCENE 3)
Kay: "All Your village are belongs
to us!"
Isaac: "It does? I mean... IT DOESNT!"
Garet: "We'll put a stop to your foolery. Right, Isaac? We could knock them down easy peasy."
Felix: "Where is Lady Jenna?"
Isaac: O_o'
Felix: ... o.o! *runs offstage*
Garet: "..."
FELIX RUNS BACK ON WITH MASK
Masked Felix: "Ahem! I wish to know where Lady Jenna is, now!"
Garet: "If you want Lady Jenna, you'll have to defeat me and Isaac first!"
Billy: "Is that an offer? I could throw in some cheap magazines with that."
Isaac: "Yes...no...yes?"
Billy: "FIGHT!"
MASKED FELIX SLIPS AWAY
Isaac: "Quake!" ("Mother Gaia!") Isaac was sick of the play and wanted to pretend to accidentally blow the others up.
Garet: "Flare!" ("Inferno!") Garet also felt the same.
Billy: "PYROOOO CLASM!" A rogue space had attacked at the same time.
Kay: "DEATH SLASH!"
Isaac: x.x
Garet: x.x
KAY AND BILLY WALK OFF STAGE, AND ISAAC AND GARET FOLLOW
(SCENE 4)
MASKED FELIX APPROACHES JENNA
Masked Felix: "Jenna..."
Jenna: o_O "Who are you? HELP!"
Masked Felix: "Relax... you will not be harmed. Look what you made me do, Jenna! Now I'm repeating lines as well!"
Jenna: "I want a guarantee!"
Masked Felix: "..."
BILLY AND KAY WALK ON STAGE
Billy: "You have Lady Jenna captive?"
Masked Felix: :(
Kay: "Excellent, we can use her to enter the sacred Luna Sanctum. Three Mars Adepts are needed to get in after all. Which is kind of bizarre, considering Sol Sanctum had no such restrictions."
Jenna: :( "LUNA SANCTUM? It is a holy place, you cannot enter!"
Kay: "Oh shut up! DEATH SL-."
Billy: "KAY! Er, DIMENAR! Control yourself!"
Kay: "But, Ossatur..."
Billy: "Just cool it."
Jenna: "HELP ME, SOMEBODY!"
KRADEN WALKS ONSTAGE
Kay: o_O "Youre coming with us to Luna Sanctum! We're masochists and want to listen to your rambling."
Billy: "Come along, old man!"
Kraden: "!!! Can I just write something down first?" *scribbles something
down and throws paper on floor* "Ok, I'm
ready, let's go. And that totally wasn't a note saying what had
happened. Not at all."
Jenna: "Kraden! Are they really stupid enough to fall for that?"
Kraden: "Of course. Lady Jenna, what ails you? You look scared..."
Jenna: O_o "Mister Kraden... I AM scared..."
Masked Felix: "Lets go."
JENNA, MASKED FELIX, KRADEN, BILLY AND KAY LEAVE
ISAAC AND GARET STAGGER ONSTAGE
Isaac: :( "Where's Lady Jenna gone? Do you think she went to pee?"
Garet: *picks up paper* "Going on vacation with Lady Jenna, a masked man and two strange people, to Luna Sanctum. Kraden."
Isaac: "LUNA SANCTUM? We must stop them!"
Garet: "Lets go!"
(SCENE 5)
Isaac and Garet are walking and bump into Aaron.
Aaron: "Hi, can I come with you? I'm Ian and I've lost my stick
of manly love... oh wait... and I think two strange people stole
it. My master,
Mr. Hamstring, will not permit me to return to Layka, until I retrieve it."
Isaac: "!!!" Isaac's muteness came and went...
Garet: "Were the strange people accompanied by a masked man, an old man and a girl?"
Aaron: "Yes!"
Isaac: "Let's go!" (To self) "This is cheesy. Mmm, cheeeeese... *drool*"
Garet: (whispering) "What flavour?"
Isaac: (whispering back) "Extra Cheddar."
(SCENE 6)
Anna: "By the powers of Sol, Earth rise!"
Billy: "Excuse me! Are you a Venus Adept by any chance?"
Masked Felix: "!!!"
Anna: "Er, yes... I am. Why?"
Kay: "Good! We are collecting Adepts! Pokeball, go! You're coming with us!"
Anna: *screams and is chased offstage by Billy and Kay*
Jenna: "..."
Masked Felix: o.o ("This mask is too hot.") *takes Jenna offstage*
Kraden: "Ho hum, I wonder when we'll stop at an inn?" *follows them*
(ANDY NARRATES)
Andy: "Unfortunately, the little girl Annie was kidnapped right in her
own village of *cough* Lavatory and
the people of Lavatory tried to save her-"
(AUDIENCE)
Sheba: "It's LALIVERO, YOU IDIOT! I SMITE YOU WITH CAPS LOCK OF
DOOM!"
(Stage)
Andy: "Annie was taken out of... we're not using real names here... er, what
the heck, Verolali, and taken to Luna Sanctum..."
(SCENE 7)
Lily: "I am the guardian of Luna Sanctum, you may not pass
SHALL NOT PASS! *slams staff*."
Billy: "Hah, what if I beat you down?"
Lily: "You'd still need three Mars Adepts, and two Venus Adepts, and a Guardian of Luna Sanctum. Then stick them in a pot, shower with Djinn flakes and gently simmer"
Billy: "... we dont have a guardian."
Isaac: "GOOD!"
Garet: "Stop right there! Payback time! You owe me 50 bucks!"
Aaron: "Give me back my stick immediately!"
Billy: "No, we need the stick to summon a great power to burn the place down after we steal the powers here."
Lily: !!!
Anna: "HELP ME!"
Jenna: "Sir Isaac, Sir Garet!"
Masked Felix: "So it's YOU, Isaac!"
Isaac: "Huh, what did I do this time? I mean, LET THEM GO!"
Jenna: :( "Who ARE you, Masked Man? And isn't it kind of strange you know Isaac's name?"
Masked Felix: "..." The muteness curse had just struck Felix.
Lily: "Go away." Say please.
Billy: "No- ARGH!"
HOLE APPEARS IN GROUND AND BILLY AND KAY FALL DOWN (TRAPDOOR IN STAGE)
Lily: "Hahahahaha!"
Masked Felix: :(
Anna: (almost falls down hole and holds on side) "HELP!"
Lily: o.o "Oops."
Masked Felix: "SHEB-... ANNA!" O.o' Yelling the wrong girl's name and he's not even on a date...
(AUDIENCE)
Sheba: "I'm over here, you doofus! And if you ever say the wrong
name talking to me, I shall smite you too!"
(STAGE)
Anna: "Masked man, HELP!"
Masked Felix: (reaches for her but misses and Anna falls)
Masked Felix: "ANNA-EEEEE!" Felix really is screwing up the names.
Masked Felix jumps down trapdoor
Isaac: "!!!"
Jenna: "Well, let's go home. And have wild monkey secks."
Kraden: "But I was enjoying the vacation."
Aaron: *picks up wooden stick* "MY STICK! Now I can return home to Layka!"
(SCENE 8)
Jenna, Isaac and Garet are standing and talking when Masked Felix comes in with Anna.
Jenna: "!!! It's Masked Man!"
Isaac: "DIE, MASKED MAN!"
Garet: "Most treacherous enemy, DIE!" That's... a rather unusual line.
Masked Felix: :(
Isaac and Garet try to attack Masked Felix, but Anna jumps in way and shakes her head.
Anna: "He saved my life."
Jenna: "Take the mask off, Masked Man."
Masked Felix: "But that would mean...it's a
cursed mask stuck to my face. I can't."
Isaac/Garet/Anna: "DO IT!"
Masked Felix: *takes mask off* "Happy?"
Jenna: !!!
BILLY AND KAY WALK IN
Isaac: O_O
Garet: "!!!"
Jenna: "Ossatur and Dimenar!"
Billy: "We're not finished yet! Not by a long shot!"
Kay: "GET THEM!"
After a tense and long battle, Billy and Kay are fallen and Jenna, Felix, Garet and Isaac are the victors.
Garet: "Felix helped us! Now let's go and have an orgy!"
Isaac: "... I'd rather just have a threesome"
Jenna: *glomps Felix*
Anna: ^_^ "He saved me too!"
(AUDIENCE)
Kyle: "Garet, you're supposed to call him Lord Felix, remember?"
(STAGE)
Garet: "I am?"
Jenna: "Lord Felix, I'm so happy youre home!"
(AUDIENCE)
Sheba: (sarcasm) "Isnt she being a bit formal to her own brother?"
(STAGE)
BILLY AND KAY AND ANNA GO OFFSTAGE
Isaac: "Well! That sucked harder than Garet on viagra!"
Garet: "Isaac! How could you tell them I took viagra? The play was extra cheddar cheesy, but I hope you enjoyed it."
Jenna: "Christmas is going to be much better."
Felix: "Have a great Christmas!"
ISAAC, GARET, FELIX AND JENNA WALK OFFSTAGE
(END OF PLAY)
Isaac threw off his cloak and sighed exaggeratedly,
"That was so boring, I dont want to do it ever again." And I don't
want to see it ever again.
"The kids enjoyed it." said Garet.
"It's funny how it seemed a bit like our own adventures." murmured Jenna.
"Yeah... too strange... it's A PLOT AGAINST US!" yelled Felix.
Dun-DUN!
"How is it against us though?" asked Isaac sceptically.
"Good point. But our journeys should not have been made a mockery." said
Felix.
"Oh come on, it was only a spoof." argued Garet.
"It still wasnt that funny." retorted Jenna.
"Whatever, you two..." murmured Isaac in a bored tone.
"Yeah, yeah. Now let's go have threesomes." said Garet.
The rest of Christmas Eve was spent with goodbyes, because Mia had to go
back to Imil, Picard to Lemuria because he somehow wasn't banned
anymore on his
somehow recovered ship, Sheba would be taken with him and dropped off at
Lalivero on the way, and Ivan had to
return to Kalay. Alex... well, Alex vanished as usual. He's fond of
that.
The next morning, the world was in panic... the big ball of power on top
of Mt. Aleph was GONE! Things are back to normal! And on
Christmas Day
too... but since the world wasnt falling to pieces, Christmas Day
progressed.
Isaac wondered if he had his portion of the power back
was forced out of bed by Dora and dragged downstairs to gaze upon a little
Christmas tree with dinky little
presents.
Garet was also forced out of bed, and had to eat a big breakfast with his
family, before diving into the huge
pile of presents at the bottom of his family tree.
Jenna and Felix got up early and woke their parents up to view the fairly
small tree with a few more presents than
under Isaac's, but less than Garet's.
Isaac recieved a Sol Blade from Kyle even though there's only one
in the game, a new outfit from his mother, the same as his old one
since it got a bit charred
from all the firefighting on Mount Aleph when a raging inferno broke
out, Demon Mail armour handcuffs from Garet who
was sick of it, a Healing Ring condom from
Mia,
a Water of Life leather whip from Ivan and
an Elixir Viagra from Jenna, and a Hard
Nut (this works too well with the other jokes, I won't bother
changing it) from Felix, as well as Power Bread
whipped cream from Sheba and
Lucky Pepper erotic cakes from Picard.
Garet got candy from his mother, candy from his father, candy from Kay,
candy from Aaron, candy from the Mayor of Vale,
candy from his grandmother, candy from Isaac, candy from Jenna, candy from
Felix, candy from Sheba, candy from Ivan,
candy from Picard, and Hermes Water from Mia. Then he had to see his
dentist.
Felix got loads of nice stuff, and so did Jenna. Their parents were
spoiling them for the three years missed out and it wasn't fair
for Felix to be left out even though he was with them the whole three years and
people were also spoiling Felix a little since they had missed him for the
past three years.
That afternoon, the sun turned red. Garet was the first to point it out,
"Look, Isaac! The sun's gone red! It's meant to be golden isnt it?"
"Yes! We dont star in a game called Red Sun do we?" Someone hadn't
figured out what Golden Sun really stood for.
"No...so why is it red?"
"It's sore. I dont know!"
"I dont know either..."
"I know you dont know!"
"Of course you know that, I just told you!"
"No you didnt!"
"Yes I did!"
"No you didnt!"
"Yes I did!"
"I know who stole the power."
Felix and Jenna stood behind the arguing Isaac and Garet Surprise
buttsex!, plainly appalled at their behaviour. Isaac and Garet
turned to them
and sighed. Isaac spoke up first,
"Ok, smarty, who did it then? If you're right, you don't get to
sleep in my bed for a while."
"Saturos, Menardi, Agatio and Karst of course." smiled Felix.
"Because they are the evil incarnate ones. DUH."
"Rubbish!" Garet blurted out, "They aren't even really evil!
Only one can have the power! And... didnt we KILL them?
"Shut up Garet!" yelled Jenna. "Don't point out pointless
plotholes!"
"But... which one of them stole it? And didnt we kill them?" queried Isaac
in confusion. "We seem to have killed them twice. Quite
mind-boggling..."
"I havent a clue." said Felix. He was a little sick of seeing dead
people too.
"Didnt we kill them?" asked Garet again.
"Why am I hearing that question a bit too often?" growled the angry Jenna.
"Didnt we kill them?" repeated Isaac, and yelped when Felix swung his sword
at him. He ducked and narrowly missed getting
a brand new haircut. Dora would be disappointed because she'd been
begging Isaac to get a haircut for months.
"The sun is red." said Garet again.
"So?" asked Felix, slipping his sword back into his sheath. He
hadn't told anyone he was colorblind.
"Maybe it's setting?" snapped Jenna.
"It's a bit early for it to set." said Isaac.
"LOOK! The sky's going PURPLE!" yelled Garet, pointing wildly.
"WHATEVER!" yelled Jenna and Felix, pointedly looking everywhere except the
sky. Isaac turned his gaze to the firnament and promptly swore to
burn thesauruses
and his eyes widened in horror,
"Jenna, Felix, look at the sky."
Jenna and Felix quickly looked upwards much to Garet's annoyance and jumped.
The sky was darkening to a deep violet hue,
contrasting against the blood red sun.
"AAAAAAAAAH!"
Cities burned to the ground, children screamed and people cried... and somewhere, an insane clown laughed.
The earth shook with the power of Alchemy and Sol's wrath... What's with all the Sol love? Isn't Sol just the sun?
The stealer of the ultimate power of Alchemy, the four elements, was
riding the lands Iodem...
He was now the Lord of Goldensun (although we dont know why he turned the
sun red, maybe he thought the Lord of Redsun
was a better title) Or maybe he knew it wasn't anything to do with
the stupid sun.
and he was slowly crushing the world in his grasp...
"This is a nice Christmas day." said Garet sarcastically.
"WHO is doing this? I want to know NOW!" fumed the pissed off Jenna.
"Maybe it's the people we keep killing." said Isaac sourly. "We have
got to talk to the Grim Reaper sometime. I think he's slacking off."
Mia stood on the Lighthouse Aerie of the Mercury Lighthouse, watching the
beacon, with Megan and Justin by her side. She
bit her lip as the beacon faded and disappeared from view. Weyard
promptly started shrinking again. Megan and Justin were horrified.
Mia turned and gazed at the
dark purple sky,
"Alex, did you do this?"
The Venus Lighthouse's beacon glowed green, watched from afar by the
guards of Lalivero, Iodem and Faran. Sheba went
against their warnings and teleported to the top of the Venus Lighthouse,
watching the green light fade to nothing.
She screamed,
"The Lord of Goldensun has taken the power of Alchemy and the world is no
longer affected by it! All Alchemy is gone without a trace, and the world is
falling to pieces! Who is doing it?"
Nobody was watching the Jupiter Lighthouse, because the people of Contigo were too busy having orgies, situated upon the continent of Ateka, since few people lived near it anyway and felt much safer in their village, well, as safe as they could be considering their village was in danger of collapsing into a huge crater next to it. Contigo occasionally tended to shift apparently. The blazing purple light upon the aerie faded from view... and Hama wondered why the hell she wasn't watching it if she was a Jupiter Adept and could easily get into the lighthouse.
just one lighthouse left...
upon the Mars Lighthouse Aerie stood four enraged Mars Adepts glaring
evilly at the flickering red light. They like glaring evilly, don't
they?
"How could they take the power?" ranted Menardi. Wait, that wasn't
even a rant.
"We should have acted quicker." declared Saturos. "Because, we're,
like, evil and stuff."
"If it hadnt been for those meddling kids, we would have
done it a lot faster." raged Agatio.
"But no, the power went to somebody else!" yelled Karst.
All they could do was watch the red light disappear... then go have a wild orgy.
The Lord of Goldensun had stolen the four elemental powers and was now
slowly drawing it from the world, taking
it for his own...
"I feel weaker." declared Garet uselessly.
"Our Psynergy is running out?" puzzled Isaac.
"DRAGON CLOUD!" yelled Jenna, trying to direct a powerful attack at Garet,
but nothing happened and she stepped back in horror. Garet hid behind Isaac
and gave him surprise buttsex, who quickly cast Cloak but
it wore off because it wasnt dark enough and Cloak was almost the
most useless Psynergy ever, especially in The Lost Age.
"...OUR PSYNERGY IS BEING STOLEN!" yelled Felix.
"But I just used cloak." puzzled Isaac. He really liked to puzzle.
"Yes, you did it using that big black ball." pointed out Garet.
"It's a CLOAK BALL, thank you very much! BORROWED
Stolen from Lord Baby!" said Isaac. "Hey, I thought I
actually respected the guy."
"Isnt Baby... well, dead?" asked Felix.
"Isaac stole it!" crowed Garet.
"Shut up Garet." said Isaac.
"Merry Christmas." laughed the Lord of Goldensun, watching the world begin to crumble... It was crumbling a bit faster than before.
"All I need to do is destroy you and the lighthouses will be lit once
more, alchemy restored to the lands, all destruction
undone, and everybody gets their Psynergy back. Before that, we have
buttsex. Fair deal?"
"HUH? Oh no, not you!"
"Yes, I, the powerful wise one. You are not the Lord of Goldensun..."
"Objection!!! I object... for the sake of objection!"
"You are merely just... A PUPPET!"
"The Lord of Goldensun?"
"No, just a pathetic baby."
"EXCUSE ME? How dare you make a pun on my name! It's not even funny!"
"I know why you stole the power... you fear death itself and are trying to prevent it..."
"I'm dead anyway... or so they thought... but little did they know, my spirit endured! HEHEHEHEHEHE!"
"Oh shut up, Lord Baby. Sorry, I just really like that bad pun."
"No, you shut up, Big Ball of Rock! And it's LORD BABI! Bah-bee!"
"I SUMMON DESTINY'S FATE! And we need more goddamn deities!"
Before Lord Babi had time to ponder who Destiny was, and what their fate
was, a really powerful summon hit him and
he was knocked out... the Wise One quickly stole his power and put it back
on Mt. Aleph instead of giving it to Alex and Isaac and
Lord Babi shriveled
away to nothingness.
"Look, the power is back!" exclaimed Garet, even though it was glaringly
obvious to the rest of Vale, and even those
just outside Vault. Isaac kicked him, and Jenna got him with a quick Dragon
Cloud. Felix smirked but quickly covered
it when his sister and Isaac stared at him suspiciously. He didn't
want anyone to realise he didn't like Garet.
"I'M stealing it one day." said Isaac. "Because I'm out of
character."
"No, I am." argued Felix. "I'm also out of character."
"NOBODY is taking it." Jenna said.
"Wrrg...guh...aaahhhh..." grumbled Garet, "Iiiaaaahhhh..." Somehow,
the fire attack had hurt the fire Adept badly.
"No, I'm not curing you." said Isaac. "You suck."
"Feee....iiiii..."
"No, I'm not either." said Felix.
Jenna sighed and handed Garet a Potion.
"What if a woman stole it? Would they be the Lady of Goldensun?" wondered
Isaac.
"Dont be stupid." said Felix.
"But a lady cant be a lord." argued Garet.
"GENDER EQUALITY FOR ALL! NOBODY is stealing it." said
Jenna finally.
"Yeah, the wise one would stop them." said Felix. "What happened to
capital letters?"
The four lighthouses were relit... the villages were unburned... people
came back to life... and Psynergy restored
to absolutely everybody.
"HOORAY!" yelled Mia, Megan, Justin... and Alex.
"Alex! Dont DO that! You gave me a heart attack!" screamed Mia.
"I just cant win, can I?" groaned Alex. "Can we have sex?"
"Its back!" sang Sheba, dancing for joy and teleporting back, where she
got a Telling Off for Being Naughty from
her 'dad', Faran. Ow, that's harsh. I don't think Faran would
appreciate the usage of apostrophes there.
"Ohoho! So, the light is back, the power must have been restored, now we
can steal it because we're apparently evil!" smirked
Menardi.
"But... what about that rock?" asked Karst. She really didn't like
being turned into a dragon.
"It would stop us." grumbled Saturos. But he really didn't care, not
really being evil.
"Stupid rock." cursed Agatio.
The rest of the day went peacefully, with a blue sky and a Golden Sun No. No. The Golden Sun is the... aw, forget it. and well... the rest is another story.
MERRY CHRISTMAS! This goes in the freaking author's note.
(Ok, it was a little screwy A LITTLE?! Wait, sorry, that was just my spork. for a Christmas fic, but at least the ending was happy ^.^) That should also go in an author's note.
---
Wise One: I resent being called a rock
But you ARE a rock! ^^'